Leadership: “Be Friendly, Not Friends”
Quite a bit of the discussion was surrounding the leadership principle of “be friendly, not friends.”
What this means is that whereas you should definitely be friendly with your subordinates, you can create some big problems for yourself – and your organization – if you are friends with any of your subordinates.
So, what’s the difference between being friendly and being friends?
Like leadership itself, it can be tough to define, but you’ll know it when you see it.
Another example is treating one direct subordinate as a friend when you don’t treat others the same way (e.g. dinners and drinks with one subordinate but not with each of the others).
In any case, all of us who are leaders should have a feel for what fraternization is and what it isn’t.
Why does it matter?
Fraternization breaks down team dynamics, can negatively affect promotions, and can make disciplinary actions very hard to mete out. Some people can destroy the effectiveness of your team and must be fired.
However, if you are very close to that person – or his family – your delay in letting him go can be disastrous for all your employees. Most entrepreneurs have stories about letting go of long-time friends who were very bad for the organization. On the other hand, if your “friend” is the best leader in your business and you promote her, you may undercut her new authority and destroy team dynamics. People may assume she was promoted because of your close relationship, not because of her effectiveness.
You’re better off avoiding that problem in the first place.
In the military, the term “good order and discipline” is often used.
What that means is that the team works well together and executes the leader’s plans.
Fraternization breaks down good order and discipline.
Cristina Madeira is a Certified Executive Coach.
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